these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
