How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
