If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
