I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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