I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize