when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
