we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
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