Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
