how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
