??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
