I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
