i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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