farters have to be the big spoon...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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