Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
