How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Someone came in the potted fern
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
