sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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