So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I could make wine with my vomit
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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