Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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