this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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