Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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