Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
