I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
