There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
