Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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