Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
