I am full of burrito and curiosity
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
