The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize