She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
