I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
