im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cockslap morals
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
