Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
