My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
