I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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