It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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