I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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