u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think my fart just growled at me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
