I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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