I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
