i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize