I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
