She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
