My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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