i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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