So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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