I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
