You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize