She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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