I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
