What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
