now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Randomize
