would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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