so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
