so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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