Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
