If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
