I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
