I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
