Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize